WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i have two assholes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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