Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
