my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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