she was so not down for the gang bang
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
