My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
