I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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