no, he came in my armpit
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize