Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
