onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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