he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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