great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
