i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
