His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
