I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
