Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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