i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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