OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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