Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
