So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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