dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
