whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
