Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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