when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
