so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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