No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish there were birth control emojis
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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