you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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