The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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