The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
