If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
