dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
