I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
