Nicole vs. Life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
