Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize