I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
