I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
