is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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