btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
