okay pat passed out under dana's car
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
