I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
