I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
