this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
