i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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