May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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