I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize