good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
