trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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