My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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