Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
