Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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