This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
