I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
