My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
