Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
