apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
