Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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