I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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