he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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