did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
