I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize