foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
