There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
