Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
