Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
