I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
