I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
