I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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