I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just cropdusted the office
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
