If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
