guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't notice because vodka
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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