how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
