As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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