Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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