why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
