Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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