Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
even my farts smell like vagina
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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