I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its about making memories worth repressing
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
