I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
