That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
