he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Come on in and take your pants off
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