DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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