it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
