That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
