after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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