3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
