Your mouth is God's brothel.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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