everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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