Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
