Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
