I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
