something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
