Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
