Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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