Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
