i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
