I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
