So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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